Friday, May 20, 2011

013

dear baby,

this is your first photo. ever. you're that vertical white smudge beneath my middle finger. since i'm just about 7 weeks along, you're supposedly the size of a blueberry. i'm guessing sonograms exaggerate your girth.

today i saw your heartbeat. i saw your little image, your smudge, flicker on the sonogram monitor. your heart beats healthily, according to my doctor.  i'm SO relieved, and so very thankful to know that you're growing and progressing well.

i'll still be having blood drawn ever week so the doctor can continue to monitor my hormone levels, but those seem to be improving as well. doc said he was very impressed by the rise in my pregnancy hormone, and starting a regimen of supplements should help my progesterone levels to rise as well.  things seem to be back on track, and i'm so excited!

things seem much more real now, baby. you exist in my tummy and i have photographic evidence! seeing your heart beating was one of the most profound moments of my life.

please know, baby, that you are already SO loved.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

012

dear baby,

met a lovely mom last night who gave me great pregnancy advice. she took one look at me and said, "i know everything you're going through. upper tummy pain, right? rub it out." lol. we talked for an hour or so after my shift ended at work and she offered some helpful hints to combat the nausea, plus a great supportive shoulder to lean on after a long and difficult day.

tomorrow is the doctor's appointment. finger's crossed that everything is on track and normal and as it should be!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

011

dear baby,

dyspepsia, also known as indigestion, also known as these intense upper abdominal cramps that have been plaguing me all day. if i'm fortunate enough to keep food down today, then i'm sadly suffering from the pain of tummy bloating and cramps and -- god forbid -- gas. and today's my first day back to work in a week. it's difficult to be a smiley guest service representative when you're trying not to a) hurl, b) fart, or c) all of the above.

doctor's appointment on friday. nervous. nervous! it's 10:45 pm and this is the first night in a long while i've been up so late instead of snuggled in to bed next to your father at this hour. kind of a bummer. sacrifices, baby. sacrifices. going to talk to my boss and/or HR about a different schedule, though, or cutting back my hours. because working this kind of shift will be difficult if my nausea keeps up. that, or talk to the doctor on friday about anti-nausea medication. things to keep in mind.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

010

dear baby,

lol, pregnancy brain. this is what you do to me: i put the hot pocket in the microwave and then two minutes later wonder why the microwave hasn't beeped to let me know my snack's done cooking. why? because i forgot to set the timer and turn it on.

more blood tests and lab work later today.  still no official word from the doctor except phone calls to order the tests. and i'm still not allowed to work without official words from the doctor. hope you're okay, baby, because this is starting to get old. and i mean that as non-snarkily as possible.

Friday, May 13, 2011

009

dear baby,

it's been a scary couple of days.  i left work early on wednesday due to lower back and abdominal pains.  your dad took me to the emergency room where doctors poked me with needles and ran bunches of tests to make sure you're developing well and that i'm healthy, too.

the ultrasound showed your yolk sac (which eventually becomes part of your digestive system -- interesting, yes?), but didn't show YOU. you should be an embryo connected to that yolk sac, but you weren't there.

so i cried, a lot, thinking you were lost or maybe my body was getting ready to reject this pregnancy. and your father and i were really sad. upset. bummed out. disappointed. because as unprepared as we were for the news that you're on the way, we still anticipate you greatly. and we're already attached. and i already love you, dearly. MY baby.

but i hopped on the computer later and did a lot of research on early pregnancies, ultrasounds, and yolk sacs/no embryos, etc. and it turns out that this is a fairly common thing that many women experience in their first weeks of pregnancy, sometimes all the way up into their ninth or tenth week.  according to one website, the yolk sac is always visible before an embryo, and this happens around the fifth week of gestation. so maybe you just haven't grown big enough to be seen. maybe you were hiding! maybe there was too much gas in my tummy, which impeded their view of you.  they had that issue when trying to look at my ovaries.

anyway, baby, YOU ARE LOVED. and wanted. and you're still making me nauseated.

today, when the doctor waves that ridiculous apparatus over my belly again, please come out and say hello. it'd be such a relief, for sure.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

008

dear baby,

i'm addicted to the ginger chews sold at trader joe's. they help combat the nausea, especially the huge wave of it that hits at 3:00 pm ON THE DOT.

007

dear baby,

i dreamt about you last night. it was all pink and ribbons and bows and fluff. maybe because i have some innate sense that you're a girl? your father refuses to acknowledge this. he's convinced you're a boy.

we'll see in a few months, right?

Monday, May 9, 2011

006

dear baby,

this evening, your father made dinner! surprise: he can cook. two helpings of uber garlicky spaghetti in my tummy to satisfy this ridiculous appetite you've caused -- i'm quite satisfied.

on another note, my abdomen and hips are so sore today. maybe this means you're growing. supposedly, your facial features are developing as are so many of your internal organs. your heart beats now.

i so look forward to meeting you.

005

dear baby,

i'm so hungry! your make me crave the weirdest things, like coleslaw and bbq sauce sandwiches.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

004

dear baby,

today is mother's day. your father sent me this note this morning:


"happy mothersday baby i hope you like your gift its in your belly"



you ARE a gift, albeit an unexpected one.  xo.





Friday, May 6, 2011

003

dear baby,

whoa, thanks for the queasy stomach all throughout work today. sorry you're not a fan of my toothpaste, since just smelling that as i was getting ready for work seemed to set off the raging nausea that lasted all eight hours of my shift.  is it just aquafresh that you don't like? or maybe you're not a fan of spearmint in general...?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

002

dear baby,

so we've begun to tell people about you. your father's friends are excited. mine are elated. our families reactions range from over the moon to conservative and stoic. you may be an oops and a big surprise, but you will be nonetheless loved and welcomed into our lives. we have nine months to prepare for you...and there's so much to do! living situations to figure out, doctor's appointments to schedule, money to save...

we went hiking to the waterfalls yesterday. i'm sorely out of shape, so i'm sorry if i deprived you of oxygen. i've heard exercise is good for pregnant women. really, it's recommended for everyone -- but i enjoy junk food and appreciate filthy habits like drinking and smoking. but with you will come other lifestyle changes and sacrifices. anyway, the waterfalls were gorgeous. your father and i looked for gold nuggets because finding a big one would pay off all our respective debt and ensure your college education. :-) but all we found were suspicious looking flakes -- fool's gold or the real thing? not too sure. so we'll go back out again soon with appropriate tools before i completely lose my waist and you're too big for me to bend over and successfully pan for wealth.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

001

dear baby,

today is wednesday. we've known about you for four days, but the doctor says i'm about 5-6 weeks along in this pregnancy.

when i eat, you make my stomach burn. you make me pee a lot. you make my hips and boobs hurt. thanks.

you make me crave things like watermelon and pizza. i yawn all the time because all i want to do is rest. supposedly, you're the size of a sesame seed inside my belly. your father calls you a demon seed. :-) someday, we'll tell you the story of how you beat the odds and were conceived despite all the measures we took for that NOT to happen.

i hope you're healthy.